Statistics show that upwards o 50-60% of marriages end in divorce. The reason for this is because people are foolish and marry too young. They fall in love with someone in high school or college and rush themselves into marriage. The problem with this is that people change and mature over the years. The person you fell in love with may not be the same person down the road.
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This is where a lot of problems stem from. However as many problems as there may be, as many changes as there may be, you still may love each other. It is during situations such as these that you may be looking for books on marriage that can help you fix your marital problems.
There are a lot of ways you can fix your marriage, with literally tons of tips out there. While I can not go through all of them, I can list a few to help you get on the right track.
1. Communication. Communication is the single most important aspect during any relationship. We have no way of know what is troubling other people unless they tell us. It is also the same way for them. If you bottle up your emotions and do not talk about your problems, your spouse will have no idea there even is a problem.
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These bottled up emotions will end up surfacing during an argument and end up blindsiding your spouse, leaving them hurt and confused. Instead of letting this happen, just talk with them and try to settle your problems before they spiral out of control.
2. Compromise. Plenty of books on marriage will tell you that compromises are everything. You are two individuals, different people with different tastes. So you obviously will not agree on every single situation. Instead of arguing and fighting when you disagree, cool your head and try to come to a compromise that can make both you and your spouse happy.
3. Stay calm and go slow. Fights sprout up in any relationship. Even the best of friends will fight. The key is to not let these fights spiral out of control and ruin your marriage. Keep your calm and make sure you do not say or do something you will end up regretting. As well when you try applying any fixes to your marriage make sure you take them nice and slow, as rushing them can do more harm than good.
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4. Forgive and forget. Know which hills to die on and when to make a strategic withdraw. Not every fight and argument needs to be some major production that gets brought up for months or years to come. Instead of clinging to past fights, forgive your spouse for any transgressions and allow yourself and your spouse to move on.
5. Marriage counseling. If all else fails, if tips do not help and all the books on marriage do not work, then you may have to try going to a marriage counselor. These counselors are professionals, trained to help you salvage your marriage.
Monday, December 19, 2011
The Best Marriage Counseling Advice
Want some marriage counseling advice? I'm glad you asked. It's important to find a counselor who is qualified, but what does that mean?
There is more to being qualified than just having a bunch of diplomas on the wall. Not all counselors, no matter what their diplomas say, are good.
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They may have the "training" but that does not necessarily mean that they are good at helping people achieve their goals. It's as much about chemistry between you and your counselor as anything else.
I, and some other people I know, have gone to counselors who really didn't seem to get what they wanted. Others, have gone to counselors who really didn't provide much in the way of "support".
They would let their patient talk and talk (and for some folks, that's all they really need or want) but they never provided any real world tools that could help the patient actively make the changes in their marriage that they wanted to make.
Many people want those tools. They want specific things to do or say that will bring about the changes they are hoping for. This is one thing to consider before you start going to a particular counselor. What do you want from them?
Do you just want someone who will listen or do you want someone who can show you some actual techniques (as opposed to theories) that you can start using right away?
It's important that you know what you want and find a counselor who practices in that way.
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Another thing to keep in mind is that you need to know what you want in your marriage too. Many people will think that they want to save the marriage, and in most cases this is what they want, but only to a point.
What most people really want is to feel like they are loved and understood by their spouse. That feeling of being loved and understood is more important than just saving the marriage.
And here is where it can get tough, your spouse may not be willing to make the changes needed to provide you with the type of marriage you really want. In other words, it may not be in your best interest to save the marriage at all.
Tough to hear, I know, but it's the truth. You should probably try to find a counselor who isn't afraid to tell you the truth, even if you might not always want to hear it.
This scenario was played out by my sister several years ago; Her husband was extremely abusive to her and the kids. It wasn't any type of physical abuse, but it was severe and it was abuse.
My sister went to a counselor associated with her church. This counselor actually made her feel guilty because she had finally had enough and was ready to leave the marriage.
The counselor was so "stuck" in his religious beliefs that he wasn't able to help my sister at all. He was unable or unwilling to try to stay objective and consider what was best for my sister and her kids. All he could think of was that the marriage must be saved at all costs.
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To me, that kind of mindless "let's save the marriage no matter what" type of thinking has no place with any counselor. I caution you to carefully look at any counselor before you hire them.
If they seem more inclined to be concerned with maintaining their own beliefs rather than helping you, run don't walk. Find someone who is not only qualified, but willing and able to help you decide what is best for you. That is the best marriage counseling advice I can give.
There is more to being qualified than just having a bunch of diplomas on the wall. Not all counselors, no matter what their diplomas say, are good.
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They may have the "training" but that does not necessarily mean that they are good at helping people achieve their goals. It's as much about chemistry between you and your counselor as anything else.
I, and some other people I know, have gone to counselors who really didn't seem to get what they wanted. Others, have gone to counselors who really didn't provide much in the way of "support".
They would let their patient talk and talk (and for some folks, that's all they really need or want) but they never provided any real world tools that could help the patient actively make the changes in their marriage that they wanted to make.
Many people want those tools. They want specific things to do or say that will bring about the changes they are hoping for. This is one thing to consider before you start going to a particular counselor. What do you want from them?
Do you just want someone who will listen or do you want someone who can show you some actual techniques (as opposed to theories) that you can start using right away?
It's important that you know what you want and find a counselor who practices in that way.
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Another thing to keep in mind is that you need to know what you want in your marriage too. Many people will think that they want to save the marriage, and in most cases this is what they want, but only to a point.
What most people really want is to feel like they are loved and understood by their spouse. That feeling of being loved and understood is more important than just saving the marriage.
And here is where it can get tough, your spouse may not be willing to make the changes needed to provide you with the type of marriage you really want. In other words, it may not be in your best interest to save the marriage at all.
Tough to hear, I know, but it's the truth. You should probably try to find a counselor who isn't afraid to tell you the truth, even if you might not always want to hear it.
This scenario was played out by my sister several years ago; Her husband was extremely abusive to her and the kids. It wasn't any type of physical abuse, but it was severe and it was abuse.
My sister went to a counselor associated with her church. This counselor actually made her feel guilty because she had finally had enough and was ready to leave the marriage.
The counselor was so "stuck" in his religious beliefs that he wasn't able to help my sister at all. He was unable or unwilling to try to stay objective and consider what was best for my sister and her kids. All he could think of was that the marriage must be saved at all costs.
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To me, that kind of mindless "let's save the marriage no matter what" type of thinking has no place with any counselor. I caution you to carefully look at any counselor before you hire them.
If they seem more inclined to be concerned with maintaining their own beliefs rather than helping you, run don't walk. Find someone who is not only qualified, but willing and able to help you decide what is best for you. That is the best marriage counseling advice I can give.
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Even Mature and Old Person Get In To Dating
Sometimes when old people who were divorced or widowed were expecting to stay alone until the day they died. For that matter, there used to be a time when people said things like "old people" as if they were some sort of second-class citizens. Times have certainly changed for the better, and mature dating is a prime example of that.
One of the biggest changes is that the people of the Baby Boom are starting to retire, but they aren't being shuffled off to old folk's homes. Instead, they are healthier and more vibrant than ever. They may have quit working but they haven't quit living life.
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Mature dating typically implies that you, as an older person, have been out of the dating scene for quite a while. That can cause a lot of anxiety and you probably feel a bit out of practice. You don't really have to worry because those feelings are perfectly normal, and there are some things that can help to take the pressure off.
Many of the concerns you had when you were younger are no longer an issue. When you were young you were looking forward to what you were going to do with your life, getting an education, starting a family, settling down into a career and so on. Now that you are older those things have already been taken care of and they don't play much of a role in who you choose to date.
All of this is a way of saying that you probably have a lot more free time to fill than you used to. That's not saying you don't have anything to do or that you are lazy, but rather that your commitments have changed over the years. Those commitments are just as meaningful, if not more so, but they don't require as much time. Mature dating is one way to help fill in some of that time.
Some people getting into mature dating will be concerned that their age will be a hindrance, but that's simply not the case. For one thing, your chronological age is not the same as the age you feel you are. Another thing is that the baby boomers are all getting older, and that means there are a lot of people in the exact situation as you.
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It's not fair, but there are a lot of stereotypes surrounding older people and mature dating. For some reason they think that old people should just go off somewhere and dating is completely out of the question. Well, the joke is on them because people of all ages have a need for companionship. Having a good time and finding someone to enjoy it with is a wonderful thing.
What it comes down to is this: no matter how old you are, dating is normal, worthwhile and rewarding. Mature dating has a few differences when compared to those who date at younger ages, but the main similarity is the joy that companionship brings.
One of the biggest changes is that the people of the Baby Boom are starting to retire, but they aren't being shuffled off to old folk's homes. Instead, they are healthier and more vibrant than ever. They may have quit working but they haven't quit living life.
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Mature dating typically implies that you, as an older person, have been out of the dating scene for quite a while. That can cause a lot of anxiety and you probably feel a bit out of practice. You don't really have to worry because those feelings are perfectly normal, and there are some things that can help to take the pressure off.
Many of the concerns you had when you were younger are no longer an issue. When you were young you were looking forward to what you were going to do with your life, getting an education, starting a family, settling down into a career and so on. Now that you are older those things have already been taken care of and they don't play much of a role in who you choose to date.
All of this is a way of saying that you probably have a lot more free time to fill than you used to. That's not saying you don't have anything to do or that you are lazy, but rather that your commitments have changed over the years. Those commitments are just as meaningful, if not more so, but they don't require as much time. Mature dating is one way to help fill in some of that time.
Some people getting into mature dating will be concerned that their age will be a hindrance, but that's simply not the case. For one thing, your chronological age is not the same as the age you feel you are. Another thing is that the baby boomers are all getting older, and that means there are a lot of people in the exact situation as you.
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It's not fair, but there are a lot of stereotypes surrounding older people and mature dating. For some reason they think that old people should just go off somewhere and dating is completely out of the question. Well, the joke is on them because people of all ages have a need for companionship. Having a good time and finding someone to enjoy it with is a wonderful thing.
What it comes down to is this: no matter how old you are, dating is normal, worthwhile and rewarding. Mature dating has a few differences when compared to those who date at younger ages, but the main similarity is the joy that companionship brings.
Tips How To Save Marriage
The divorce rate in America is high, upwards of 50-60%. With so many marriages failing it might cause you to worry for your own marriage. This worry is only compounded on if you and your spouse are having problems to begin with. Now days divorce seems too easy, a way to escape the hardships and pain of an unhappy marriage. But with it's ease also comes the fact that people may be jumping the gun.
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Many marriages end despite both parties still loving and caring for each other. When looking at your marriage search for why exactly you chose your spouse to begin with. If you are truly unhappy and do not love them anymore, then divorce is a viable option. However if you still love them and want to save your marriage and make it work, there are some tips to help you out.
1. Communication. One of the main problems marriages suffer is the lack of communication. One or both parties keep their grievances to themselves and bottle up their emotions. This comes out during fights and the other party can feel blindsided, which just makes it that much worse. Being open with your spouse and telling them in a polite and calm manner when you have problems is important for a stable relationship.
2. Compromise. When trying to decide what to do with your marriage search yourself for the right answer. You are an individual person and so is your spouse, this means you will not agree on everything. When such disagreements arise try to come to a compromise so that both parties can be happy.
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3. Remain calm and take your time. When problems do arise in your marriage it is important to stay calm and work through things slowly. If you allow yourself to get hot under the color you may say or do things you will come to regret later on. As well, being rash and trying to rush things can make them worse. So keeping your cool and taking it nice and easy when fixing problems is the key.
4. Forgive and forget. Do not make a mountain out of a mole hill. If you and your spouse have an argument over something minor, just let it go. One thing that happens a lot in marriage is one or both parties clinging to past mistakes or arguments and using them as ammunition in the next one. Instead of doing that, just forget about it, let it go and move on.
5. If all else fails, see a counselor. When you have tried every other option and you can not seem to keep your marriage from spiraling out of control, seeking professional help may be the only way. Marriage counselors are trained to help you marriage search and find, and fix, the problems you face.
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It may seem like a bad omen if you have to go to a marriage counselor but that is preferable to divorce, and it might end up saving your marriage. However it is a last resort, so if you are able to take the steps to fix your marriage yourself you should try doing that.
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Many marriages end despite both parties still loving and caring for each other. When looking at your marriage search for why exactly you chose your spouse to begin with. If you are truly unhappy and do not love them anymore, then divorce is a viable option. However if you still love them and want to save your marriage and make it work, there are some tips to help you out.
1. Communication. One of the main problems marriages suffer is the lack of communication. One or both parties keep their grievances to themselves and bottle up their emotions. This comes out during fights and the other party can feel blindsided, which just makes it that much worse. Being open with your spouse and telling them in a polite and calm manner when you have problems is important for a stable relationship.
2. Compromise. When trying to decide what to do with your marriage search yourself for the right answer. You are an individual person and so is your spouse, this means you will not agree on everything. When such disagreements arise try to come to a compromise so that both parties can be happy.
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3. Remain calm and take your time. When problems do arise in your marriage it is important to stay calm and work through things slowly. If you allow yourself to get hot under the color you may say or do things you will come to regret later on. As well, being rash and trying to rush things can make them worse. So keeping your cool and taking it nice and easy when fixing problems is the key.
4. Forgive and forget. Do not make a mountain out of a mole hill. If you and your spouse have an argument over something minor, just let it go. One thing that happens a lot in marriage is one or both parties clinging to past mistakes or arguments and using them as ammunition in the next one. Instead of doing that, just forget about it, let it go and move on.
5. If all else fails, see a counselor. When you have tried every other option and you can not seem to keep your marriage from spiraling out of control, seeking professional help may be the only way. Marriage counselors are trained to help you marriage search and find, and fix, the problems you face.
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It may seem like a bad omen if you have to go to a marriage counselor but that is preferable to divorce, and it might end up saving your marriage. However it is a last resort, so if you are able to take the steps to fix your marriage yourself you should try doing that.
Some Of Common Marriage Counseling Questions
A lot of people are afraid to seek out the help of a therapist. One of the reasons for this intimidation is that they don't know what to expect. That is why I have created this article; to let you know some common marriage counseling questions that you will be asked.
As humans, we have a tendency to not question the things that should be questioned. For example, you might not really have taken the time to get to the bottom of what the problem is in your marriage.
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Most of us think that we have, but we really haven't. We only see the outward manifestation of the bigger problem. For example, chances are you aren't going ballistic every time your husband leaves the toilet seat up just because that is such a big issue.
More than likely your reaction is more basic, more primal. Every time he leaves the toilet seat up you view it as a lack of consideration for you and your feelings. This perceived lack of consideration that you sense from your husband is the real issue, not the toilet seat. Make sense?
That is what the marriage counseling questions are all about. It is imperative that the counselor get to the bottom of the problems, the real issues. If you don't really know what it is yourself, how can you tell the counselor and how can they help you work on it?
So, here are some commonly asked questions that many counselors will ask you and your spouse to answer in your own words:
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1. What are the problems or issues that made you decide to go to counseling? This question will be asked of both partners. If you listen you may just be amazed at how different your perceptions of the problems in your marriage and your spouses perceptions of the problems are.
This will provide the therapist with a place to start. They will know what each of you see as the problem as well as see where the two of you are diverging in your opinions of what the problems are.
2. Which one of these issues do you see as the most important? This will allow the counselor to figure out what you consider to be the most difficult issue to overcome. This knowledge will make it easier for them to focus in on those issues.
Instead of spending a lot of time wondering around in the dark, the counselor will have a much better idea of what each of you see as the issue(s) that are tearing your marriage apart.
Once they know where to focus their attention, they may be able to help you start finding possible solutions much more quickly.
Now that you know what common questions you are likely to be asked by your therapist, you can take some time to think about the issues in more depth.
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Doing that will make it easier for you to accurately answer the questions when the counselor asks them. That can save you all a little time.
So, take some time and figure out how you would answer these common marriage counseling questions now.
As humans, we have a tendency to not question the things that should be questioned. For example, you might not really have taken the time to get to the bottom of what the problem is in your marriage.
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Most of us think that we have, but we really haven't. We only see the outward manifestation of the bigger problem. For example, chances are you aren't going ballistic every time your husband leaves the toilet seat up just because that is such a big issue.
More than likely your reaction is more basic, more primal. Every time he leaves the toilet seat up you view it as a lack of consideration for you and your feelings. This perceived lack of consideration that you sense from your husband is the real issue, not the toilet seat. Make sense?
That is what the marriage counseling questions are all about. It is imperative that the counselor get to the bottom of the problems, the real issues. If you don't really know what it is yourself, how can you tell the counselor and how can they help you work on it?
So, here are some commonly asked questions that many counselors will ask you and your spouse to answer in your own words:
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1. What are the problems or issues that made you decide to go to counseling? This question will be asked of both partners. If you listen you may just be amazed at how different your perceptions of the problems in your marriage and your spouses perceptions of the problems are.
This will provide the therapist with a place to start. They will know what each of you see as the problem as well as see where the two of you are diverging in your opinions of what the problems are.
2. Which one of these issues do you see as the most important? This will allow the counselor to figure out what you consider to be the most difficult issue to overcome. This knowledge will make it easier for them to focus in on those issues.
Instead of spending a lot of time wondering around in the dark, the counselor will have a much better idea of what each of you see as the issue(s) that are tearing your marriage apart.
Once they know where to focus their attention, they may be able to help you start finding possible solutions much more quickly.
Now that you know what common questions you are likely to be asked by your therapist, you can take some time to think about the issues in more depth.
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Doing that will make it easier for you to accurately answer the questions when the counselor asks them. That can save you all a little time.
So, take some time and figure out how you would answer these common marriage counseling questions now.
Saturday, December 17, 2011
Why Choosing The Right Marriage Counselor is Important
If there was one piece of advice I could give to someone before they choose what marriage counselor they wanted to go to, it would be this: choose carefully.
There are several things you should take into consideration before you start going to a certain counselor.
In our society we are trained to respect people who have a degree and advanced learning. And that, in my opinion, is appropriate most of the time.
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But when choosing a marriage counselor, or any professional to help you out, you need to look beyond the degrees. The bottom line is that a degree only tells you that someone was able to get through school. They are most likely a good student.
A degree does not necessarily mean that they are any good at that chosen profession (though, in most cases, they will be).
A degree also won't tell you if they will be compatible with you and your spouse. This may not sound important but it is. It seems that more people today are viewing all types of counseling as more of a collaboration than a "therapy".
To a large degree, the days of you lying on a couch and spilling your guts while the therapist takes notes are over. Many therapists today treat therapy as more of a give and take.
Sure, you will talk about your fears, concerns and hopes but they will provide you with not only some insight, but maybe some tools as well.
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Let me give you and example. Years ago my husband and I went to counseling. One of the biggest problems we were facing was the fact that he would fly off the handle at the smallest things the kids did.
When he overreacted I was put in the position of having to be peace keeper and trying to get the kids to calm down. From there it would just spiral out of control.
Instead of the counselor just listening and taking notes he actually gave us a tool to deal with it.
We had a "code word" that I was to say if my husband was going overboard. That way it wouldn't sound like I was "taking the kids side" but it would avert a lot of blowups.
This simple tool, or technique, made it easy for us to stave off blowups. This was exactly the kind of thing I wanted from a therapist.
I didn't want to go to therapy for years and years, I wanted some real world techniques that I could start using right away to improve the situation at home.
This is one of the things you need to consider when you are looking for a counselor.
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Figure out if you want someone who will "just listen" or would you rather have someone who will give the two of you some real tools that you can use to start making things better right away.
Once you know what "style of counseling" you want, you can find a marriage counselor that fits in with what you want.
There are several things you should take into consideration before you start going to a certain counselor.
In our society we are trained to respect people who have a degree and advanced learning. And that, in my opinion, is appropriate most of the time.
=>> Click Here for Get Your Ex Back Complete Guide
But when choosing a marriage counselor, or any professional to help you out, you need to look beyond the degrees. The bottom line is that a degree only tells you that someone was able to get through school. They are most likely a good student.
A degree does not necessarily mean that they are any good at that chosen profession (though, in most cases, they will be).
A degree also won't tell you if they will be compatible with you and your spouse. This may not sound important but it is. It seems that more people today are viewing all types of counseling as more of a collaboration than a "therapy".
To a large degree, the days of you lying on a couch and spilling your guts while the therapist takes notes are over. Many therapists today treat therapy as more of a give and take.
Sure, you will talk about your fears, concerns and hopes but they will provide you with not only some insight, but maybe some tools as well.
=>> Click Here for Get Your Ex Back Complete Guide
Let me give you and example. Years ago my husband and I went to counseling. One of the biggest problems we were facing was the fact that he would fly off the handle at the smallest things the kids did.
When he overreacted I was put in the position of having to be peace keeper and trying to get the kids to calm down. From there it would just spiral out of control.
Instead of the counselor just listening and taking notes he actually gave us a tool to deal with it.
We had a "code word" that I was to say if my husband was going overboard. That way it wouldn't sound like I was "taking the kids side" but it would avert a lot of blowups.
This simple tool, or technique, made it easy for us to stave off blowups. This was exactly the kind of thing I wanted from a therapist.
I didn't want to go to therapy for years and years, I wanted some real world techniques that I could start using right away to improve the situation at home.
This is one of the things you need to consider when you are looking for a counselor.
=>> Click Here for Get Your Ex Back Complete Guide
Figure out if you want someone who will "just listen" or would you rather have someone who will give the two of you some real tools that you can use to start making things better right away.
Once you know what "style of counseling" you want, you can find a marriage counselor that fits in with what you want.
What You Will Learn In Pre-Marriage Counseling?
Some churches require a couple to go through pre marriage counseling in order for them to perform the ceremony. I personally think that that is a great idea, especially if the couple is very young.
No matter what your age, or your maturity level, it can be easy to get overwhelmed in the moment. You fall in love and you are so happy that you never stop to consider that it might not always be that way.
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Pre marriage counseling, if done properly, can be a great way for both of you to make sure you are thinking things through and that you aren't just caught up in the moment.
It will "force" the two of you to seriously think about and consider what marriage is really all about. It isn't all "playing house" and having fun.
Here are some of the most common things that will be covered in counseling. Many young couples wouldn't think about, or talk about, these things before they are married if it weren't for the counseling:
1. Finances. Not very romantic I know, but do you have any idea how many fights can stem from financial burdens and concerns? A lot. It is extremely important for the two of you to know how the other thinks about money and money issues.
For example, do both of you think that you should save a little out of each paycheck? If so, how much? What about who will do the bills? Do you think you should both do them or do you think just one person should be in charge?
These may not sound like much but they can really cause problems later in your marriage.
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Oh and one word of advice: you both should be involved in the bills. What would happen if only one person did the bills and something happened to them? The other person wouldn't know anything about where the money was, life insurance information, etc. Share the bills.
2. What about your views on having children? Do you both want them? If so, how many? Should one of you stay home and take care of them? If so, which one?
If both of you have careers that are important to you, this can really be a big issue.
If you both love your careers and neither of you wants to be a stay at home parent, the time to discover that is before you have kids (or even before you get married) not after.
3. Roles of each other. If both of you work do you think the household chores should be divvied up evenly? Or does one of you still cling to the notion that housework is "women's work" and lawn work is "mens work"?
If you both work full time, how will you feel if the bulk of the cooking and cleaning still rests on your shoulders? More than likely, after a while, you will start to feel pretty resentful if you feel like you are carrying more of the burden.
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Again, these are just a few of the important topics that need to come up before you are married, not after. Covering these un romantic topics early will help ensure no surprises later, and that is what pre marriage counseling is all about.
No matter what your age, or your maturity level, it can be easy to get overwhelmed in the moment. You fall in love and you are so happy that you never stop to consider that it might not always be that way.
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Pre marriage counseling, if done properly, can be a great way for both of you to make sure you are thinking things through and that you aren't just caught up in the moment.
It will "force" the two of you to seriously think about and consider what marriage is really all about. It isn't all "playing house" and having fun.
Here are some of the most common things that will be covered in counseling. Many young couples wouldn't think about, or talk about, these things before they are married if it weren't for the counseling:
1. Finances. Not very romantic I know, but do you have any idea how many fights can stem from financial burdens and concerns? A lot. It is extremely important for the two of you to know how the other thinks about money and money issues.
For example, do both of you think that you should save a little out of each paycheck? If so, how much? What about who will do the bills? Do you think you should both do them or do you think just one person should be in charge?
These may not sound like much but they can really cause problems later in your marriage.
=>> Click Here for Get Your Ex Back Complete Guide
Oh and one word of advice: you both should be involved in the bills. What would happen if only one person did the bills and something happened to them? The other person wouldn't know anything about where the money was, life insurance information, etc. Share the bills.
2. What about your views on having children? Do you both want them? If so, how many? Should one of you stay home and take care of them? If so, which one?
If both of you have careers that are important to you, this can really be a big issue.
If you both love your careers and neither of you wants to be a stay at home parent, the time to discover that is before you have kids (or even before you get married) not after.
3. Roles of each other. If both of you work do you think the household chores should be divvied up evenly? Or does one of you still cling to the notion that housework is "women's work" and lawn work is "mens work"?
If you both work full time, how will you feel if the bulk of the cooking and cleaning still rests on your shoulders? More than likely, after a while, you will start to feel pretty resentful if you feel like you are carrying more of the burden.
=>> Click Here for Get Your Ex Back Complete Guide
Again, these are just a few of the important topics that need to come up before you are married, not after. Covering these un romantic topics early will help ensure no surprises later, and that is what pre marriage counseling is all about.
Thursday, December 15, 2011
The Three (3) Magic Ingredients That Can Make Marriage Last Forever!
To me, it's really sad how a marriage relationship can fall apart. It almost always starts off with such promise and before you know it, the relationship is headed for the rocks.
There are those that say it is inevitable, that a marriage relationship just isn't meant to last. Personally, I don't agree with that. I think a marriage can last and thrive.
=>> Click Here for Get Your Ex Back Complete Guide
I'm not talking about the couple who brag that they've been married for X number of years but can't stand the sight of each other. I'm talking about a strong, respectful, loving relationship that lasts through the curve balls life throws at us.
I absolutely believe that that type of relationship is possible but I also don't believe it's magic or that it happens by accident. I think that to have that type of relationship there are several key ingredients that need to be there.
Ideally, these ingredients will be there right from the start, but if not, both of the people in the marriage are mature enough to be willing to make whatever changes that need to be made.
Here are the "magic ingredients" that I think can make a marriage last forever:
1. You must be compatible. Sounds like a no brainer, doesn't it? But think about it for a minute, how many couples have you known that just are too different to make a relationship work?
Most of us can think of several couples right off the top of our heads who are obviously not compatible. They have different views on everything. They are constantly bickering and arguing over the simplest of things. Not compatible.
=>> Click Here for Get Your Ex Back Complete Guide
People often get together for the wrong reasons; sexual attraction or just plain loneliness and desperation. When that happens no one stops to figure out if they are a good match.
If you want a happy marriage, marry someone you have a lot in common with. Someone you can like and respect and someone who will like and respect you too.
2. Learn how to be a grown up. Again, obvious, but too many people do and say such dumb things. Again, from your own experience, how many people do you know who just don't seem to be able to effectively communicate their wants and needs?
They will pout, whine, give someone the silent treatment, basically act like a child, but they can't seem to really communicate with others.
3. Try to jettison most of your baggage. Too many people just don't seem to be willing to move on from some past hurt. They keep hanging onto it likes it's some sort of treasured possession, it's not. Let it go.
If you keep hanging on to your old baggage you will inevitably keep repeating the same mistakes. Who wants that?
That is not the way to make any relationship work, especially a marriage. To make your marriage work, be an adult and marry an adult.
=>> Click Here for Get Your Ex Back Complete Guide
So, to make a marriage relationship strong and healthy, keep these things in mind. If you are already married try to make some changes and hopefully your partner will too.
There are those that say it is inevitable, that a marriage relationship just isn't meant to last. Personally, I don't agree with that. I think a marriage can last and thrive.
=>> Click Here for Get Your Ex Back Complete Guide
I'm not talking about the couple who brag that they've been married for X number of years but can't stand the sight of each other. I'm talking about a strong, respectful, loving relationship that lasts through the curve balls life throws at us.
I absolutely believe that that type of relationship is possible but I also don't believe it's magic or that it happens by accident. I think that to have that type of relationship there are several key ingredients that need to be there.
Ideally, these ingredients will be there right from the start, but if not, both of the people in the marriage are mature enough to be willing to make whatever changes that need to be made.
Here are the "magic ingredients" that I think can make a marriage last forever:
1. You must be compatible. Sounds like a no brainer, doesn't it? But think about it for a minute, how many couples have you known that just are too different to make a relationship work?
Most of us can think of several couples right off the top of our heads who are obviously not compatible. They have different views on everything. They are constantly bickering and arguing over the simplest of things. Not compatible.
=>> Click Here for Get Your Ex Back Complete Guide
People often get together for the wrong reasons; sexual attraction or just plain loneliness and desperation. When that happens no one stops to figure out if they are a good match.
If you want a happy marriage, marry someone you have a lot in common with. Someone you can like and respect and someone who will like and respect you too.
2. Learn how to be a grown up. Again, obvious, but too many people do and say such dumb things. Again, from your own experience, how many people do you know who just don't seem to be able to effectively communicate their wants and needs?
They will pout, whine, give someone the silent treatment, basically act like a child, but they can't seem to really communicate with others.
3. Try to jettison most of your baggage. Too many people just don't seem to be willing to move on from some past hurt. They keep hanging onto it likes it's some sort of treasured possession, it's not. Let it go.
If you keep hanging on to your old baggage you will inevitably keep repeating the same mistakes. Who wants that?
That is not the way to make any relationship work, especially a marriage. To make your marriage work, be an adult and marry an adult.
=>> Click Here for Get Your Ex Back Complete Guide
So, to make a marriage relationship strong and healthy, keep these things in mind. If you are already married try to make some changes and hopefully your partner will too.
Expert Advice For Better and Long Lasting Relationship
Have you ever noticed that one thing there never seems to be a shortage of is relationship advice? Every time you turn on the t.v., open a newspaper or magazine or listen to the radio, there is an "expert" giving out advice on relationships.
For that reason, it might seem odd that anyone would have to go online to find some good relationship advice, but it's not. You see advice is just like anything else; it is only as good as the person who is giving it.
=>> Click Here for Get Your Ex Back Complete Guide
Just because someone is considered an "expert" doesn't mean they know what is best for you and your relationship. However, this is not an excuse for you to dismiss what you are told just because you don't want to hear it either. It is a fine line.
I firmly believe that we all know what we need to do (in our hearts at least) but sometimes we just don't want to do it. We often know when our relationships are broken beyond repair, but who wants to face that?
Instead we insist on beating a dead relationship and trying to "force" it to work. That is a waste of time and emotion. So, I guess that would be step one in any plan to fix a relationship: make sure it really can be fixed before you waste energy on it.
So, how do you know if it can be fixed? That is actually pretty easy, all you have to do is figure out two things: what is the problem and do you think your partner is willing to work on it with you?
=>> Click Here for Get Your Ex Back Complete Guide
If the problem is a serious one like abuse, it may be best to move on. If your partner is abusing you in any way it will take them quite some time to change, assuming they are even willing to change. In most cases you are probably better off just calling it quits and moving on.
If the problems are not so serious, the next thing you need to determine, with total honesty, is how likely your partner is to work with you on fixing the problems. No one is saying they have to do all the work, but if your partner won't work with you, you can't do it all yourself.
At this point you really need a gut check. It can be really difficult to face the fact that your partner is either too self involved or simply doesn't care enough about the relationship to work with you, but if that is the case do yourself a favor and move on. You will be happier in the long run.
Relationships can definitely be challenging in the best of times, but too often we stay in the wrong relationships with the wrong person just because we are afraid. Afraid of being alone, afraid of hurting someones feelings, etc.
=>> Click Here for Get Your Ex Back Complete Guide
But if you stay in that type of relationship, you don't really have a relationship at all, so why bother? That is the best relationship advice I can give you.
For that reason, it might seem odd that anyone would have to go online to find some good relationship advice, but it's not. You see advice is just like anything else; it is only as good as the person who is giving it.
=>> Click Here for Get Your Ex Back Complete Guide
Just because someone is considered an "expert" doesn't mean they know what is best for you and your relationship. However, this is not an excuse for you to dismiss what you are told just because you don't want to hear it either. It is a fine line.
I firmly believe that we all know what we need to do (in our hearts at least) but sometimes we just don't want to do it. We often know when our relationships are broken beyond repair, but who wants to face that?
Instead we insist on beating a dead relationship and trying to "force" it to work. That is a waste of time and emotion. So, I guess that would be step one in any plan to fix a relationship: make sure it really can be fixed before you waste energy on it.
So, how do you know if it can be fixed? That is actually pretty easy, all you have to do is figure out two things: what is the problem and do you think your partner is willing to work on it with you?
=>> Click Here for Get Your Ex Back Complete Guide
If the problem is a serious one like abuse, it may be best to move on. If your partner is abusing you in any way it will take them quite some time to change, assuming they are even willing to change. In most cases you are probably better off just calling it quits and moving on.
If the problems are not so serious, the next thing you need to determine, with total honesty, is how likely your partner is to work with you on fixing the problems. No one is saying they have to do all the work, but if your partner won't work with you, you can't do it all yourself.
At this point you really need a gut check. It can be really difficult to face the fact that your partner is either too self involved or simply doesn't care enough about the relationship to work with you, but if that is the case do yourself a favor and move on. You will be happier in the long run.
Relationships can definitely be challenging in the best of times, but too often we stay in the wrong relationships with the wrong person just because we are afraid. Afraid of being alone, afraid of hurting someones feelings, etc.
=>> Click Here for Get Your Ex Back Complete Guide
But if you stay in that type of relationship, you don't really have a relationship at all, so why bother? That is the best relationship advice I can give you.
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