Showing posts with label marriage counseling. Show all posts
Showing posts with label marriage counseling. Show all posts

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Some Of Common Marriage Counseling Questions

A lot of people are afraid to seek out the help of a therapist. One of the reasons for this intimidation is that they don't know what to expect. That is why I have created this article; to let you know some common marriage counseling questions that you will be asked.

As humans, we have a tendency to not question the things that should be questioned. For example, you might not really have taken the time to get to the bottom of what the problem is in your marriage.

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Most of us think that we have, but we really haven't. We only see the outward manifestation of the bigger problem. For example, chances are you aren't going ballistic every time your husband leaves the toilet seat up just because that is such a big issue.

More than likely your reaction is more basic, more primal. Every time he leaves the toilet seat up you view it as a lack of consideration for you and your feelings. This perceived lack of consideration that you sense from your husband is the real issue, not the toilet seat. Make sense?

That is what the marriage counseling questions are all about. It is imperative that the counselor get to the bottom of the problems, the real issues. If you don't really know what it is yourself, how can you tell the counselor and how can they help you work on it?

So, here are some commonly asked questions that many counselors will ask you and your spouse to answer in your own words:

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1. What are the problems or issues that made you decide to go to counseling? This question will be asked of both partners. If you listen you may just be amazed at how different your perceptions of the problems in your marriage and your spouses perceptions of the problems are.

This will provide the therapist with a place to start. They will know what each of you see as the problem as well as see where the two of you are diverging in your opinions of what the problems are.

2. Which one of these issues do you see as the most important? This will allow the counselor to figure out what you consider to be the most difficult issue to overcome. This knowledge will make it easier for them to focus in on those issues.

Instead of spending a lot of time wondering around in the dark, the counselor will have a much better idea of what each of you see as the issue(s) that are tearing your marriage apart.

Once they know where to focus their attention, they may be able to help you start finding possible solutions much more quickly.

Now that you know what common questions you are likely to be asked by your therapist, you can take some time to think about the issues in more depth.

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Doing that will make it easier for you to accurately answer the questions when the counselor asks them. That can save you all a little time.

So, take some time and figure out how you would answer these common marriage counseling questions now.

Saturday, December 17, 2011

Why Choosing The Right Marriage Counselor is Important

If there was one piece of advice I could give to someone before they choose what marriage counselor they wanted to go to, it would be this: choose carefully.

There are several things you should take into consideration before you start going to a certain counselor.

In our society we are trained to respect people who have a degree and advanced learning. And that, in my opinion, is appropriate most of the time.

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But when choosing a marriage counselor, or any professional to help you out, you need to look beyond the degrees. The bottom line is that a degree only tells you that someone was able to get through school. They are most likely a good student.

A degree does not necessarily mean that they are any good at that chosen profession (though, in most cases, they will be).

A degree also won't tell you if they will be compatible with you and your spouse. This may not sound important but it is.  It seems that more people today are viewing all types of counseling as more of a collaboration than a "therapy".

To a large degree, the days of you lying on a couch and spilling your guts while the therapist takes notes are over. Many therapists today treat therapy as more of a give and take.

Sure, you will talk about your fears, concerns and hopes but they will provide you with not only some insight, but maybe some tools as well.

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Let me give you and example. Years ago my husband and I went to counseling. One of the biggest problems we were facing was the fact that he would fly off the handle at the smallest things the kids did.

When he overreacted I was put in the position of having to be peace keeper and trying to get the kids to calm down. From there it would just spiral out of control.

Instead of the counselor just listening and taking notes he actually gave us a tool to deal with it.

We had a "code word" that I was to say if my husband was going overboard. That way it wouldn't sound like I was "taking the kids side" but it would avert a lot of blowups.

This simple tool, or technique, made it easy for us to stave off blowups. This was exactly the kind of thing I wanted from a therapist.

I didn't want to go to therapy for years and years, I wanted some real world techniques that I could start using right away to improve the situation at home.

This is one of the things you need to consider when you are looking for a counselor.

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Figure out if you want someone who will "just listen" or would you rather have someone who will give the two of you some real tools that you can use to start making things better right away.

Once you know what "style of counseling" you want, you can find a marriage counselor that fits in with what you want.
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