In general a matrix is a table of data containing information in both rows and columns. Specifically a relationship matrix could be one that is used to determine your genealogical relationship to another. However in terms of relationships, the relationship matrix often refers to how compatible you and your partner are in respect to certain issues such as communication, interests, and financial and career. While the partners do not have to agree completely in all or any of these areas, finding a balance is critical to a healthy relationship.
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Communication is one of the factors in the relationship matrix. Style of communication can vary from speaking based on emotion and without much thought to your words to speaking based on logic and putting much thought into what you plan to say before you begin speaking. On one hand the speaker who relies on emotion, often speaks from their heart and their words usually reflect their feelings at the moment they are speaking.
On the other hand there is a speaker who relies on logic and often spends much time calculating their words before they speak. This speaker rarely reflects their emotions in their words and instead relies on facts to support their argument. While neither style of speaking is right or wrong, conflict may arise in a relationship if the partners are on opposite ends of the spectrum. These problems may arise if the partner who speaks on emotion is frustrated with the lack of emotion and slow speech of the logical speaker and the logical speaker is in turn frustrated by the lack of restraint shown by their partner. The partners can help to manage this part of the relationship matrix by trying to meet somewhere in the middle of the two extremes. The emotional speaker may agree to take some time to step away from their emotions for a few minutes before speaking and the logical speaker may agree to try to speak more freely and without so much restraint in the future.
Interests and hobbies is another aspect of the relationship matrix that can either doom or enhance a relationship. Sharing common interests can be beneficial to a relationship because it fosters closeness and a bond between the partners. They are able to enjoy a common interest or hobby and doing so brings them closer together. If a couple has no common hobbies, this can be detrimental to the relationship because the members of the couple may feel as though their partner is not taking an interest in their activities. While this may sound simple enough, it is important to realize that balancing out this aspect of the relationship matrix is very important. Having too many interests in common can result in one or both of the partners feeling as if they are being smothered while showing no interest in your partner's activities indicates a lack of caring.
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Financial and career aspirations are a tricky part of the relationship matrix that can be a source of much strife in a relationship. There are two extremes for approaching finances and career. On one extreme there is the logical and conservative partner while on the other extreme is the emotional and liberal partner. These two extremes can be a recipe for disaster so it is necessary for this couple to find a sense of balance. While one partner may be a risk taker in terms of their finances and career the other prefers a more conservative route. Such extremes often result in the partners becoming frustrated with each other. This frustration stems from the partners both being uncomfortable with the others approach. For example the more liberal partner may be upset that the more conservative partner sticks with an unfulfilled job just because the pay is good while the conservative partner may be frustrated that the liberal partner works at a low pay job just because it is enjoyable. In order to resolve any issues and avoid future conflict, it helps if the partners can come to an agreement that is more to in the middle of the road. Reaching a compromise that is moderate instead of conservative or liberal will ensure that the financial aspect of the relationship matrix is balanced.
The key to managing the relationship matrix is balance. Finding a compromise in regards to crucial issues of the matrix such as communication, interests and finances will result in a much happier and healthier relationship. While complete agreement is not critical to the survival of the relationship, a willingness to make compromises and understand your partner's positions on the matrix is critical.
Showing posts with label marriage counseling advice. Show all posts
Showing posts with label marriage counseling advice. Show all posts
Monday, March 11, 2013
Monday, December 19, 2011
The Best Marriage Counseling Advice
Want some marriage counseling advice? I'm glad you asked. It's important to find a counselor who is qualified, but what does that mean?
There is more to being qualified than just having a bunch of diplomas on the wall. Not all counselors, no matter what their diplomas say, are good.
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They may have the "training" but that does not necessarily mean that they are good at helping people achieve their goals. It's as much about chemistry between you and your counselor as anything else.
I, and some other people I know, have gone to counselors who really didn't seem to get what they wanted. Others, have gone to counselors who really didn't provide much in the way of "support".
They would let their patient talk and talk (and for some folks, that's all they really need or want) but they never provided any real world tools that could help the patient actively make the changes in their marriage that they wanted to make.
Many people want those tools. They want specific things to do or say that will bring about the changes they are hoping for. This is one thing to consider before you start going to a particular counselor. What do you want from them?
Do you just want someone who will listen or do you want someone who can show you some actual techniques (as opposed to theories) that you can start using right away?
It's important that you know what you want and find a counselor who practices in that way.
=>> Click Here For Complete Guide How To Get Ex Back
Another thing to keep in mind is that you need to know what you want in your marriage too. Many people will think that they want to save the marriage, and in most cases this is what they want, but only to a point.
What most people really want is to feel like they are loved and understood by their spouse. That feeling of being loved and understood is more important than just saving the marriage.
And here is where it can get tough, your spouse may not be willing to make the changes needed to provide you with the type of marriage you really want. In other words, it may not be in your best interest to save the marriage at all.
Tough to hear, I know, but it's the truth. You should probably try to find a counselor who isn't afraid to tell you the truth, even if you might not always want to hear it.
This scenario was played out by my sister several years ago; Her husband was extremely abusive to her and the kids. It wasn't any type of physical abuse, but it was severe and it was abuse.
My sister went to a counselor associated with her church. This counselor actually made her feel guilty because she had finally had enough and was ready to leave the marriage.
The counselor was so "stuck" in his religious beliefs that he wasn't able to help my sister at all. He was unable or unwilling to try to stay objective and consider what was best for my sister and her kids. All he could think of was that the marriage must be saved at all costs.
=>> Click Here For Complete Guide How To Get Ex Back
To me, that kind of mindless "let's save the marriage no matter what" type of thinking has no place with any counselor. I caution you to carefully look at any counselor before you hire them.
If they seem more inclined to be concerned with maintaining their own beliefs rather than helping you, run don't walk. Find someone who is not only qualified, but willing and able to help you decide what is best for you. That is the best marriage counseling advice I can give.
There is more to being qualified than just having a bunch of diplomas on the wall. Not all counselors, no matter what their diplomas say, are good.
=>> Click Here For Complete Guide How To Get Ex Back
They may have the "training" but that does not necessarily mean that they are good at helping people achieve their goals. It's as much about chemistry between you and your counselor as anything else.
I, and some other people I know, have gone to counselors who really didn't seem to get what they wanted. Others, have gone to counselors who really didn't provide much in the way of "support".
They would let their patient talk and talk (and for some folks, that's all they really need or want) but they never provided any real world tools that could help the patient actively make the changes in their marriage that they wanted to make.
Many people want those tools. They want specific things to do or say that will bring about the changes they are hoping for. This is one thing to consider before you start going to a particular counselor. What do you want from them?
Do you just want someone who will listen or do you want someone who can show you some actual techniques (as opposed to theories) that you can start using right away?
It's important that you know what you want and find a counselor who practices in that way.
=>> Click Here For Complete Guide How To Get Ex Back
Another thing to keep in mind is that you need to know what you want in your marriage too. Many people will think that they want to save the marriage, and in most cases this is what they want, but only to a point.
What most people really want is to feel like they are loved and understood by their spouse. That feeling of being loved and understood is more important than just saving the marriage.
And here is where it can get tough, your spouse may not be willing to make the changes needed to provide you with the type of marriage you really want. In other words, it may not be in your best interest to save the marriage at all.
Tough to hear, I know, but it's the truth. You should probably try to find a counselor who isn't afraid to tell you the truth, even if you might not always want to hear it.
This scenario was played out by my sister several years ago; Her husband was extremely abusive to her and the kids. It wasn't any type of physical abuse, but it was severe and it was abuse.
My sister went to a counselor associated with her church. This counselor actually made her feel guilty because she had finally had enough and was ready to leave the marriage.
The counselor was so "stuck" in his religious beliefs that he wasn't able to help my sister at all. He was unable or unwilling to try to stay objective and consider what was best for my sister and her kids. All he could think of was that the marriage must be saved at all costs.
=>> Click Here For Complete Guide How To Get Ex Back
To me, that kind of mindless "let's save the marriage no matter what" type of thinking has no place with any counselor. I caution you to carefully look at any counselor before you hire them.
If they seem more inclined to be concerned with maintaining their own beliefs rather than helping you, run don't walk. Find someone who is not only qualified, but willing and able to help you decide what is best for you. That is the best marriage counseling advice I can give.
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